Fix The World Up For You
by a-lady-to-me
Summary: Series 1 - After the death of the Turkish diplomat, Anna has a difficult time with what happened. Will she confide in Mr. Bates? And how will he handle the changing tides of their relationship?


**A/N****: **This is a little journey back to Series 1! Those are always fun to take, right? :) This idea has been rolling around in my head for a while. I have always thought that Anna would have had a hard time dealing with the fact that she helped carry a dead body through the halls of Downton in the middle of the night. As strong a woman as she is, that would be traumatizing for anyone. I also feel like the one person she could or would confide in is Mr. Bates. Duh. So this happened! I hope you all like it! It was fun to write them at this stage in their relationship.

Thank you to Kelly, Jo, and Alexis for their help with this!

Enjoy, and please please leave a review! :) xo Thank you!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Downton, or Banna.

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Mr. Bates descended the stairs with a bright smile on his face. He found his overall demeanor was happier now. Downton had changed him in just the short time he'd been here. Deep down though he knew it wasn't just Downton that had caused the change...it was her.

Anna Smith had been a bright star in the middle of a dark, stormy night. She'd shown him such kindness since he'd arrived, and she was the epitome of true beauty, both inside and out. He knew he couldn't allow himself to feel anything else for her outside of being her friend. Every once in a while he would catch her eye, and feel a spark pass between them. A foreign feeling that ran deeper than just yearning for a beautiful young woman. Those moments frightened him, but John was selfish enough that he simply could not stand to distance himself from her. He needed her light like he used to need the drink.

On this particular morning however, instead of being greeted by Anna's sweet smile when he entered the servant's hall, he found that she was missing from the table. His brow furrowed. She almost always was down before him. Her distaste for the early mornings meaning she tried to get to her tea as soon as possible. John brushed off his concern; perhaps one of the girls woke early and required her attention before breakfast.

When she did finally enter about halfway through breakfast, John looked up and noticed that she was horribly pale. Almost as if she'd been sick. Worry flooded him, and he allowed it to invade his mind as she slowly sat beside him. He risked a glance at her. Anna's eyes were wide and disturbed; her normal cheery disposition was far away this morning. He noticed that she was sweating slightly, and she jumped every time there was the slightest sound. What on earth had happened to her? John wanted so badly to ask her. To offer to help in any way she needed him to. He realized in that moment that he would do anything to bring her smile back; to fix whatever was broken in her world. But he could say nothing in the crowded hall without bringing attention to her, and he knew that would not help.

So he sat next to her, trying to pour out every ounce of encouragement he could hoping it would radiate to her. Anna met his eyes only once, and gave him a sad smile. He watched as she pushed her porridge around her bowl not taking a single bite. Before long the bells rang, and the servant's scattered. Anna was slow to rise and John took the commotion around them as an opportunity to ask her about what was bothering her so.

"Anna." He touched her elbow lightly, but pulled back when she jumped.

She tried to recover, but she knew he'd noticed. "Yes, Mr. Bates?"

"You seem out of sorts this morning, is everything alright?" He kept his voice low, aware that they were far from being alone.

She tried to muster up a smile, but he was not convinced.

"Quite alright, thank you. I must get on." Her words were clipped.

He couldn't let her go through her day feeling that she was alone in whatever was disturbing her. When she moved to walk away John boldly grabbed her arm again. She didn't jump this time, but simply turned back to him curiously. He'd never touched her this way.

"Anna I want you to know that if something is wrong, or bothering you, or...if someone has hurt you in any way...you can tell me. I'm here for you."

John could practically see her thoughts warring away in her mind. He felt he might be slightly blurring the lines of friendship, but she needed to know she could trust him. Finally she met his eyes with what closely resembled a genuine smile. Her eyes were still dark, but he was glad to see her smile all the same. He hadn't realized he was still holding her arm, or that they were suddenly alone until she placed her hand over his.

"Thank you, Mr. Bates. That means a great deal to me."

Unable to speak, he simply nodded. When she released his hand, and he let go of her arm he felt oddly lost. As if her touch had grounded him for just a moment. She turned around in the doorway, and smiled again before heading up the stairs and away from him.

John Bates suddenly realized that he was in quite a bit of trouble. He desperately wanted Anna to be able to confide in him. He wanted to be there for her in all the ways she'd been there for him. But he was catching himself in these rare moments wanting more. More that simply could never be.

After waiting a few moments John finally settled himself and made his way upstairs to begin his day, his thoughts full of Anna and the idea of more.

To say the day passed without incident would be a horrific lie. News of the sudden death of the young Turkish diplomat spread through Downton like wildfire. The servant's were abuzz with rumors and speculations, but John's thoughts were on only one person...Anna.

He hadn't seen her since breakfast. They always crossed paths at least a few times during the day, but today she'd managed to evade him. Given the circumstances and the way the young maids had ogled over the young man, Anna included much to his dismay, John came to the conclusion that his untimely death must have struck her hard. Anna had such a kind spirit; so innocent and quiet. He hated for her to bear witness to such tragedies.

It wasn't until dinner that he finally caught sight of her. She looked no better than she had that morning, and his heart ached for her. Not only did she have to deal with whatever had been bothering her that morning, but now she had the added distress of Mr. Pamuk's death. He desperately hoped she would confide in him. Although he would not push her. He knew Anna well enough to know that when she was ready to talk, she would.

She ran off after dinner before he had a chance to even say a few words to her. He noticed she hadn't eaten again, and he made a mental note to try to encourage her to eat if the trend continued into the next day.

After his duties for the evening were done, and most everyone had gone up for the night John made his way to the courtyard for a smoke. He'd been trying to stop ever since Anna had made a comment about how she disliked the habit. But today had been a particularly stressful day, and his worry for Anna was at such a level that he needed the calming effect the old habit tended to bring him. As soon as he walked outside and lit the cigarette, he looked up and saw Anna sitting on the bench in the courtyard. He quickly stubbed the cigarette out on the stone wall, and tossed it aside. He placed his hands in his pockets and moved over to wear she was sitting, and staring off into the night sky.

She looked up at him when he approached her, and he gestured to the open space beside her.

"May I?"

"Of course." She smiled faintly.

"You're not normally out so late." John said, attempting to make conversation with her.

Her face was solemn, and she looked down at her feet as they kicked at the dirt.

"I just….needed the air."

He could tell she was holding back, but he would not press her. She wasn't giving him the impression that she wanted to be alone though, so he chose to stay by her side in silence until she decided if she wanted to open up to him or not. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't. It wasn't as if he was very open with her, and he knew that frustrated her sometimes.

He didn't have to wait long, however, before she lead him into the thick of it.

"Mr. Bates?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever….done something….or rather, helped someone do something that was...disturbing?"

John took a moment to think about her question. It was obvious that this was the source of her behaviour today, and he didn't want to cause her further stress….but he also knew she would want an honest answer from him.

"Well, yes I suppose so. Men are forced to do many things in war that haunt them. But you do what is required of you, and deal with the consequences later."

She nodded. That seemed to be the answer she was looking for, because it was quite some time before she said anything else.

"Mr. Bates, I...I feel like I can trust you." Her voice was small, so small that he had to lean towards her to hear what she was saying.

"You _can_ trust me Anna, with anything. I would never betray you." She looked into his eyes for the first time since he'd come outside, and his breath caught in his throat. He'd always thought Anna was beautiful, but seeing her so exposed and vulnerable was a completely new experience. He almost felt as if he should look away from her. He had no right to see her this way or feel these things for her. But she needed him, and he would be there for her. Just like she'd been there for him.

For the next few minutes she completely opened up her soul to him. She told him everything that happened from the moment Lady Mary had woken her up, until she'd made it back to her room in the knick of time at dawn. To say he was shocked was an understatement. Imagining the three women carrying the dead Turkish diplomat clear across the Abbey was almost unbelievable, but he knew Anna, and he knew she was telling him the absolute truth. He was horrified for her, that she'd had to experience something like that. He wished they had thought better of coming to get him up, for he certainly would have helped them.

The thought distracted him for a moment. What would he have done if Anna had shown up in his room in the middle of the night, clad in only her nightgown? He felt for sure he would have thought it was a dream. The most lovely of dreams, but he quickly cast aside that thought….it was a dream that would never become reality.

He knew she was waiting for him to say something. The look on her face was terrified, but he couldn't find the words. So he did the one thing he never thought he would do, but the only thing he _could _do. He took her in his arms, and held her. Tightly, closely, until he felt her release a sob into his chest, and then he held her tighter and closer. He rubbed soothing circles into her back, and whispered words of sympathy and compassion to her. Telling her that everything would be alright, even though he wasn't sure it would be. If an investigation took place, and it was found out that Anna was an accomplice of sorts, things could go south quickly. Even if there weren't legal ramifications, the social ones would be enough to ruin her.

John would not allow that to happen. He would take her far away from here before he allowed her to be ruined by something that was not her fault.

_You would run away with her?_ His conscience chided him. Yes, yes he would. He was finding that it was becoming harder and harder to deny his growing feelings for this young, gorgeous woman that was in his arms right now. God, what a fool he was. Thinking for one moment that they had any potential. For all he knew she only saw him as a trusted friend, and nothing more. Although sometimes the way she looked at him told him otherwise, but no...there was no way someone as lovely as her could have any affection for an old cripple like him.

He felt her begin to calm down, and she pulled away from him. He felt strangely cold in her absence, but he collected himself quickly and handed her his handkerchief. She accepted with a shy smile and wiped her eyes.

"I'm so very sorry, Mr. Bates. I'll fix your jacket for you." She gestured towards the tear stains on his coat with embarrassment. He tried to ease her mind with a smile. The kind of smile he reserved only for her.

"There's no need for that." He said, kindly.

Her face flushed, and she lowered her head towards the ground, fiddling with the handkerchief in her dainty fingers. "I hope you don't think less of me now...now that you know."

His heart broke at the thought that he could ever think less of her. That simply was not possible. He shouldn't be encouraging her, but he had to tell her.

He brought his hand over, and took her wrist gently to gain her attention. Her eyes shot up to his, but instead of shock or confusion they seemed to hold something that was strangely foreign to John….hope.

"Anna, there is nothing you could ever do that would make me think less of you. You did what was asked of you in the most outlandish of circumstances. You went above and beyond, and I know it's hard to think about, when a man has lost his life, but not many would have done what you did. If anything at all it makes you higher to me." He kept his voice low for fear of being overheard, but his words seemed to have the desired effect as he saw her true smile for the first time that day.

"Thank you, Mr. Bates. I don't….well I…" She hesitated, and he gripped her wrist a little tighter to let her know it was alright for her to speak.

"What is it?" He asked gently.

"Well, I don't know what I would do if you weren't here. If you'd left. You...you have become my closest friend. I hope you understand that."

_Friend. Closest friend._ He had to hide the disappointment at her words, for he had no right to be anything other than a friend to her. So why was his heart screaming at him that this was so much more than mere friendship? Luckily he'd become an expert at hiding his true feelings, and he masked them perfectly in that moment. He couldn't, however, keep from giving her a smile, which she wholeheartedly returned.

"As you are mine, Anna Smith." Was his simple response.

They were interrupted by the slamming of the back door; the sound startling them both, and causing them to stand up immediately.

"I suppose it's time we went back in." Anna said. "Thank you again, Mr. Bates. Here…" She held out the handkerchief to him.

"You keep it." He said simply, and she smiled, placing it gently into her pocket.

She turned to walk away, but he had one more thing to say to her.

"Anna?" She turned with curious eyes. "You're going to be alright tonight?" He wondered if she heard the double meaning in his voice. If she detected the concern for her.

Her smile did not give away her thoughts. "I'll be just fine Mr. Bates. Thanks to you." She left him then. Little did he know that Anna was already head over heels in love with him, and tonight had only cemented that for her.

Watching her walk away John knew he was fighting a hopeless battle against what was right, and what was true. Love did not pick and choose between the worthy and the able. Love was an uncontrollable force of the heart. He _couldn't_ love her. He _couldn't_ be with her. He was bound by a reckless decision he'd made before heading off to war. But that didn't change the fact that he _did_ love her. He was hopelessly, uncontrollably, dangerously in love with Anna Smith.


End file.
